A Poet's "Sayings"

Some "sayings" of Robert Frost about poetry and his life learnings (from the Writer's Almanac):

He said: "A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a homesickness or a love-sickness. It is a reaching out toward expression, an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the word."

And, "A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom."

And, "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

And, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

I wonder if I can sum up my life in three words?  What would your three words be?

Even More "Pickles" Wisdom

I love how a cartoonist can so clearly state great lessons for living one's life (capturing the wisdom of elders and youngsters in just four frames).

Wonder if I could create a cartoon version of my life legacy? In four frames? Suppose that would be a more colorful version of writing your life story in six words ... or 17 syllables in a haiku. Anybody willing to take on the challenge?

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More "Pickles" Wisdom

I've been away from my blog for several months while working on projects for a journal that focuses on successful adolescent development.  Reading the comics in the newspaper today, I was reminded of my work with life legacies:

Are you asking any (or many) "dang questions" at this time of your life? What questions are you asking?

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The Third Chapter of Life

One of the joys of working with people who are writing about their personal legacies is hearing their life stories and learning about changes they've made in their lives. Many of the stories I've heard have involved the changes the women and men have made in what sociologist Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot calls "The Third Chapter" of life.

In her book, The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50, Lawrence-Lightfoot explores the "ways in which men and women between the ages of fifty and seventy-five find ways of changing, adapting, exploring, mastering, and channeling their energies, skills, and passions into new domains of learning." She "challenges the still-prevailing and anachronistic images of aging by documenting and revealing the ways in which the years between fifty and seventy-five may, in fact, be the most transformative and generative time in our lives; it traces the ways in which wisdom, experience, and new learning inspire individual growth and cultural transformation."

The author interviewed forty women and men across the U.S. and found common themes, among them the urge for "leaving a legacy", for "giving back" and "giving forward", and for "making an imprint." In the life legacy workshops I've conducted, these themes have emerged as well -- from women in their 70's who are creating art after a life of work as teachers and homemakers, from a retired man in his 60's writing a screenplay about being the only white member of a black baseball team in his youth, and from others who are devoting their lives to work for volunteer organizations after years in the corporate world.

For many, The Third Chapter requires a "paradigm shift" in their lives, often "to align our professed values with our actions, our rhetoric with our behaviors." Lawrence-Lightfoot notes that such a shift can be "confusing, risky, and passionate -- are likely to be more difficult and demanding than the learning we have experienced at earlier stages of our lives, making the journey forward feel more hazardous. The stories we compose are our only map."

If you've already passed the age of 50, I think you'll find the stories of people interviewed for the book both interesting and inspirational, especially if you're seeking a more creative, purposeful life. And Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot's conclusions about successful aging and lifelong learning, the innovations required in our schools, and the need for intergenerational dialogues to challenge society and cultural presumptions, offer a compelling vision to bring change to our institutions and our lives.

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NOTE: To watch an interview with Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot about The Third Chapter, see Bill Moyer's Journal. Also, my recent blog posting on the Legacy of Education: A "Cherishing" School Culture reflects on one of the author's conclusions to her book.

Legacy of Education: A "Cherishing" School Culture

For the past two years, I've worked half-time for Wellsprings Friends School, an alternative high school in Eugene. My contract ended in June so tomorrow I'll be missing the first "morning circle" that marks the beginning of the new school year.

In light of my experience at the school, I've been thinking about the legacy of education in our lives. And, in my reading of Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot's The Third Chapter this summer, I found the best way to describe the Wellsprings approach to educating young people: a "cherishing" school culture.

In the conclusion to Lawrence-Lightfoot's book, she quotes Mary Catherine Bateson on the need for cherishing to be fully open to learning throughout one's life:

"One of the things we know about the human capacity to keep on learning, to remain young at heart and willing to learn, is that it needs to be supported by cherishing. We needed to be cherished as infants, and as adults we need to cherish our children. But if we want a society of people willing and open and ready to learn, it has to be a kinder, gentler society, because we need a lot of mutual support to face change, to give up things we've always believed in."

The author believes that "our contemporary preoccupation with testing" in schools leads to "a narrowing and standardization of learning that neglects the building of the 'edifice' of life. And I believe that the parts of the school curriculum -- the arts and humanities, sports, and community service in particular -- that are the first to be eliminated when schools are facing budget cuts, may be the very arenas that support approaches to learning that will emerge as important to sustaining development across the life span."

Lawrence-Lightfoot calls for a "shift to a more embracing, generous, complex curriculum, and a more 'cherishing' school culture (that) will require changes in societal expectations, cultural priorities, and educational policies. In turn, it will require that teachers in our schools see themselves as lifelong learners, modeling for their students a curiosity about life and a fearless pursuit of knowledge; this, in turn, will nourish the imagination, questioning, storytelling, intellectual discipline, and adventurousness of the students in their classrooms."

In my view, Wellsprings Friends School models just such a "cherishing school culture." Its teachers show their love for their students and demonstrate their love of learning each day.

My hope is that the radical changes needed in our education system (and coming eventually) will leave a legacy of cherishing for future generations of lifelong learners.

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The Legacy of War: Wisdom for My Loved Ones (Revisited Once Again)

Seems like the subject of "war" keeps smacking me in the face year after year. Last month while meandering up the street at the Mississippi St. Fair in Portland a young man handed me a little booklet titled "War Is A Racket." Written by General Smedley Butler, one of the most decorated officers in long history of the Marine Corp, it was first published in 1935. I finally got around to reading the booklet and was struck by how relevant the General's viewpoint is for today.

On the first page Butler states that " War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which profits are reckoned in dollars and losses in lives." He goes on in brief chapters to cover who makes the profits, who pays the bills, how to smash this racket, and concludes with "to hell with war!" Coming from a man who had "been there" in multiple combat operations during his distinguished service, he's someone whose viewpoint I wish our president and congress were paying attention to right now.

This morning, reading Bob Herbert's opinion piece in the newspaper brought me to tears. Suicides by our soldiers continue to rise. And "July was the deadliest month yet for American troops in Afghanistan. Sixty-six were killed, which was six more than the number who died in the previous most deadly month, June. The nation is paying little or no attention to those deaths, which is shameful. The president goes to fund-raisers and yuks it up on “The View.” For most ordinary Americans, the war is nothing more than an afterthought."

Herbert goes on to say that "It’s time to bring the curtain down for good on these tragic, farcical wars. The fantasy of democracy blossoming at the point of a gun in Iraq and spreading blithely throughout the Middle East has been obliterated. And it’s hard to believe that anyone buys the notion that the U.S. can install a successful society in the medieval madness of Afghanistan." I do not buy such a notion.

Once again as I posed 10 months ago: How do you view the legacy of war in your lifetime? What are your personal stories about war and its impact on you and your family members? Have you changed your views during your lifetime on the necessity (or lack of) for war ... in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, and/or any terrorist organizations?

More Wisdom from Pickles

When I read the comics in this morning's newspaper, I pondered the wisdom of the two guys (at least one of them) who may be a few years older than I am ...

Reminded me to practice the first rule of effective teaching: talk less, listen more.

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The Things You Would Have Said

Reading a story on the front page of today's Oregonian newspaper brought to mind why I think it is so important to consider your life legacy "before it's too late." Titled "A home for letters from the heart," the article featured a Portland woman's website that collects letters from people who have words they've wanted to share with someone but didn't or couldn't. You can check out the letters on her website at www.wouldhavesaid.com.

If you have words you want to say to people in your life but haven't done it yet, I encourage you to do it today in person or by letter. And, if the person has died, write a letter to them anyway and read it aloud to a friend or send it to Jackie Hooper's website.

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Remembering A Rumi Poem

Reading the Rumi poem "Begin" reminded me of the time in my life when I often read his poems when I lead workshops for men in the 1990's. My favorite poem to recite was:

These spiritual window-shoppers,
who idly ask, 'How much is that?' Oh, I'm just looking.
They handle a hundred items and put them down,
shadows with no capital.

What is spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping.
But these walk into a shop,
and their whole lives pass suddenly in that moment,
in that shop.

Where did you go? "Nowhere."
What did you have to eat? "Nothing much."

Even if you don't know what you want,
buy something, to be part of the exchanging flow.

Start a huge, foolish project,
like Noah.

It makes absolutely no difference
what people think of you.

Those last lines aways surprised people and blew me away when I first read them. Of course, they were counter to everything my Minnesota Lutheran "nice boy" upbringing had taught me. It has been a longtime challenge to get to a place even close to living Rumi's words ... "It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you."

As far as starting "a huge foolish project, like Noah," I haven't identified a metaphorical "ark" to build yet (or the water hasn't risen high enough -- or gotten deep enough -- for me to get the message!).

Have you created "a huge foolish project" during your lifetime? No matter how it turned out, I encourage you to write about it in your ethical will. And, if you have such a project in mind, get it started ... and make it part of your life legacy!

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Some Rumi Wisdom

In the hospice volunteer newsletter I received today was a little Rumi poem with "life legacy" wisdom:

BEGIN

This is now. Now is,
all there is. Don't wait for Then;
strike the spark, light the fire.

Sit at the Beloved's table,
feast with gusto, drink your fill

then dance
the way branches
of jasmine and cypress
dance in a spring wind.

The green earth
is your cloth;
tailor your robe
with dignity and grace.

~ Rumi ~

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Best Advice You Actually Followed

I read an interview with author Chang-rae Lee last month in which the interviewer asked him a great question:

The best piece of advice you actually followed?

His answer:

"Honor what you love, whether it's a person or vocation or idea."

Lee's mentor and good friend, poet Garrett Hongo, gave him that advice.

Knowing and doing "what I love" is the best guide I've found for living a contented life. Seems like it took me way too many years to realize that truth. But I'm grateful that I learned that life lesson before I'm on my deathbed ... and that I've had more years to "practice" than I ever expected.

What's the best advice you received that you actually followed?

Photo Credit: Denise Applewhite

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Time for a "New Look"

Since starting this blog four years ago, I haven't changed the "look" of the layout and color schemes. It's time for a more expansive layout that uses the whole screen page (which I find easier to read as my eyes age) plus allows larger photos and video screens.

I expect to begin writing more often about life legacy issues as my other work projects slow down in June for the summer.

Let me know what you're thinking about in regard to your life legacy or for creating your ethical will.

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The Long View

This morning I heard an interview with Desmond Tutu on NPR's occasional series called "The Long View." Great interview ... as are many of the others in the series. Hearing Tutu's words reminded me that I had not written a blog post on life legacies for a long while.

For the past year and a half, I've been busy with a half-time job as Outreach & Development Director for a local alternative high school. It has been great fun being with teenagers on a regular basis (to complement my time with older adults). I started a blog for the school and have written most of the posts). Along the way, I've updated the school's website and learned a lot about social networks (joining Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, and Picasa Web Albums). Not exactly what I expected to be doing the year I turned 65! Guess I needed to challenge my brain with lots of new technology, creative writing, and photography -- "accidentally" adding another chapter to my life legacy.

What unexpected changes have happened in your life that have added new "chapters" or life lessons to your life? And, if you were interviewed for "The Long View," what would you want to share with NPR's listeners (and everyone in your life)? Your comments are welcomed.

The Legacy of War: Wisdom for My Loved Ones (Revisited)

About 2 1/2 years ago, I posted a story I called "The Legacy of War: Wisdom for My Loved Ones." Our then president (in lockstep with his vocal VP) and military leaders were calling for a "surge" strategy in Iraq. Today, our generals in Afghanistan, right-wing commentators, and conservative politicians are saber-rattling about the need for a new "surge" of troops, putting pressure on our new president to send 40,000 or more troops to war (which President Obama called "the right war" during his presidential campaign). At least this time around , our new VP is calling for different strategy.

The issue got my full attention after viewing a debate on PBS about the Afghan "surge" strategy between retired Army General Jack Keane and retired Army Colonel Andrew Bacevich, an international relations professor at Boston University who spent twenty-three years serving in the US Army (then recently reading an article titled "The Generals' Revolt: The Military Revolt Over Afghanistan" by Robert Dreyfuss in Rolling Stone).

So what does this have to do with life legacies (and my own life legacy in particular)? While the Afghan war likely will not have a direct effect on my two sons (in their 30's), my young grandchildren could eventually be impacted by the eight-year and "no end in sight" war in Afghanistan. That would make it all too personal whether or not I'm still alive when that war or some other new war ends.

Having lived through the Vietnam era as an Army Reservist (see my previous blog post on war), the Afghan war is certainly echoing (if not repeating) our experience in Vietnam. The word "quagmire" (the word most often used about the Vietnam war) has even reappeared in the news, spoken by no less than President Obama in a recent interview.

As I noted in "The Legacy of War," the most powerful words of wisdom I've ever heard about war were delivered by Chris Hedges, author of the 2002 book, "War Is A Force That Gives Life Meaning," in a speech he gave:

"War in the end is always about betrayal: betrayal of the young by the old, soldiers by politicians, and idealists by cynics."

I would add "betrayal of presidents by military leaders (and retired generals)" -- as it appeared to me during the Vietnam War and certainly does now.

I was born at the end of World War II in which my father served and was wounded in France. He survived but never spoke to me about his wartime experience. By my count, the U.S. has been at war in some country for more than half the years of my life. What does that say about America and the human psyche? I don't have an answer but it's clear to me that there's truth in the statement that "you don't make peace by making war."

What I do know for sure is that far too many young men and women will be killed and wounded in Afghanistan (as they were/are in Iraq) in a "surge" or any military strategy of escalation. And that will be a terrible waste of life to protect a country from being a "safe haven for terrorists." Plus, I wonder about the extraordinary level of arrogance it takes to expect our military to change a tribal culture, much less "win" any war against insurgencies and gangsters intent on terrorizing the "free world."

How do you view the legacy of war in your lifetime? What are your personal stories about war and its impact on you and your family members? Have you changed your views during your lifetime on the necessity (or lack of) for war ... in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, and/or any terrorist organizations?

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Reflections of a Life Legacy Blogger

When I began writing this blog in early April of 2006, I wasn't sure where it would lead me. It was my first blog and I had just begun helping people create their own ethical wills. As I look back over the past 3 1/2 years, I've posted 142 times -- most of which were written in the first two years. Other work projects, including writing blogs for the Emerald Art Center, the Springfield Beacon, and Wellsprings Friends School, have reduced the time I've been able to devote to this blog.

It's a bit amazing to look at the data on who has read the life legacy blog since July 2006 when I started keeping track. As of today, there have been 4,499 visitors from 82 countries and all 50 states in the U.S. (a little less than half of the total visitors were from the U.S.). Just a little over 25% of visitors returned to the site. There have been 6007 visits and 11,315 page views. Visitors have looked at an average of 2.20 pages per visit and spent an average of 2.04 minutes on the site (the longest visit was 26.10 minutes).

The state of Oregon accounted for 1338 visitors who spent an average of 4.07 minutes on the site. They came from 36 cities throughout the state, most from the Eugene and Portland areas.

Among the 10 most popular posts are:

1. Writing A Personal Legacy Letter (accounted for 12% of total visits)
2. Examples of Ethical Wills
3. Life Lessons: The Power of Empathy
4. "Just a Mom, Writing About Life"
5. Pema Chodron's Commentary on the Four Reminders
6. Topic Outlines for An Ethical Will
7. Seven Questions to Explore in Your Ethical Will: "Who Am I?"
8. Spiritual Will & Ethical Will: Are They Different?
9. Life Lessons: A Quote to Remember
10.Writing a "Dying Letter": Elizabeth Edwards Story

Not long after starting the blog, I created a website describing my services for people interested in life legacies. For individuals who wanted to create their own ethical-spiritual will, I added a Wiki to my website with starter questions to consider.

Looking ahead, I intend to continue posting about personal life legacies, ethical-spiritual wills, and other related subjects including brief reviews of books I read during the year.

As always, your feedback and comments are welcomed.

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Life Lessons: Solitude and Silence

This week I read Anne LeClaire's new book, Listening Below the Noise: A Meditation on the Practice of Silence. The book describes her experience of practicing total silence on two Mondays each month for over seventeen years.

In LeClaire's chapter on "Nourishing the Creative Self," I appreciated what she says about the power of imagination:

"Today our imaginations are under siege by a constant barrage of noise and busyness. Our culture regards solitude and silence as something to be avoided. We would rather scrub grout than spend expended time alone.

A high cost comes from this. We have lost the path by which we journey to the place deep within where dreams and stories and visions appear. As Picasso noted, solitude is necessary for this work. In silence's calm surrounds, we discover the power of imagination and throw open the gates to creativity. In the opulent luxury of solitude, time becomes elastic and creative impulses surface and are allowed room to breathe. Sitting quietly, we gently enter our own inner worlds. Daydreaming, Woolgathering. Lost in space. These are rich and fertile activities. The playgrounds of imagination."

Thankfully, at this stage of my life I have many hours of solitude each week -- some of the time in silence (but never full days like the Ms. LeClaire). Knowing how important solitude is for nourishing my creativity and inner life, I may well give the author's practice of silence a try. I definitely want to reduce the noise and distractions in my life and would welcome an upsurge in creativity. Her experience transformed her life, igniting her creativity and fostering new connections with others, with herself, and with nature.

I enjoyed reading about Anne LeClaire's discoveries from answering an unexpected call to "Sit in silence." Now the question for me is "When will you start?"

If you decide to read the book, please send along your comments. Or share your experiences of silence and solitude.

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Life Lessons: A Quote to Remember

I've been away from the blog for quite awhile devoting much of my time over the past 10 months to outreach work for an alternative high school (where I've been blogging!). When I came across this quote from Eckhart Tolle in the "Sunbeams" section of The Sun (Aug. 2009), I decided to add it to my postings on life lessons:

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment."

I've recognized the wisdom in this quote much later in my life than I would have liked to have "gotten it." At least now I'm getting closer to "at this moment" in knowing why I'm having an experience in my life ... whether I like or not!

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Lessons from the Worst Buddhist in the World

This week I finished reading Mary Pipher's new book, Seeking Peace: Chronicles of the Worst Buddhist in the World. The book is a memoir that explores the lessons of her life, including her "meltdown" after the huge success of her book, Reviving Ophelia.

Near the end of "Seeking Peace," Pipher offers an instructive view of her life questions:

"My questions about my life are all of our eternal questions: How can we best develop our gifts and use them to help others? How can we keep growing until we stop breathing? How can we stay present? How can we be happy? The answers are universal answers: Pay attention, tell the truth, be kind, and find things to appreciate and enjoy every day. Try to learn something from everyone. Be open to wonder."

If you are a "fan" of Mary Pipher's writing and have read any of her books (Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders, The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families, Writing to Change the World, and others), you'll find her candid and moving account of her life so far (at age 60) a worthwhile book to put on your summer reading list.

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Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die

I came across this video that features "five secrets" for living from a book by John Izzo. The book is based on the successful Biography Channel television series "The Five Things You Must Discover Before You Die." While I haven't read the book yet, the video shares the essence of the author's findings with beautiful visuals.



I plan to read the book and will write a review of it in a future posting. If you saw the television series or have read the book, I'd appreciate your comments.

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Tribute to a Mentor: John Woodrow

Yesterday, I learned about the sudden death at age 59 of a man who hired me 10 years ago to work with him to help provide employment for adults with developmental disabilities. At the time, I had been self-employed for a dozen years and felt ready for a change as I approached my mid-50s. John Woodrow took the risk of hiring this "older guy" to join him at the non-profit organization.

A front page story about John in the Register Guard told much about the public side of his life. He was truly a public servant, devoted to his adopted community. The story on the Springfield Times website offered a more personal look at his life from people who were his friends.

I had the privilege of working with John for nearly three years. Over the years since then, we saw each other at community business meetings and spoke on the phone several times (usually when I was asking him to be a reference for me, which he always graciously agreed to do).

During our years of working together, what I remember most about John was his fairness, inventiveness, and clear communications style. Once, when the executive director at the time was attempting to place blame on me for a sales slump during a difficult time for the non-profit, John backed me up and saved my job -- at least for a little while. John's proposals for making changes to the production operations (which would have opened the door to significant sales opportunities) were met with deaf ears by the executive director. And John ended up getting "cut loose" from the organization a few months before I was. All turned out for the better for both of us (and for the organization when their Board hired a new executive director).

I loved John's inventiveness in creating ways for developmentally disabled people to produce and package products for our business clients. He would play around with various "jigs" and other contraptions that made it possible for the jobs to get done. John was also a "grand master" of spreadsheets. Yes, spreadsheets. He designed ways to capture and analyze production and cost data that must have taken many hours to create on his computer. His understanding of production operations and business management was exceptional.

John was a "no B.S." kind of guy from Wisconsin. You always knew what he stood for and where he stood on issues. While he and I were far apart politically, I always supported his election and reelection to public office because I knew he was a "straight shooter" with a heart of gold. His contributions to his community (and the accolades he received and richly deserved) over just 12 years in Springfield were "awesome" in the truest sense of the word.

As I reflect on my time with John, I think the most significant thing he showed me through the way he lived and worked was the importance of "showing up fully-prepared and ready to make a meaningful contribution" to whatever you've chosen to do in your life. While not a new life learning for me, it is one that John demonstrated so well and so completely that I won't ever forget it.

May all the many friends and colleagues of John Woodrow celebrate him for the contributions he made to our lives and our community. I'll miss him.

PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Murphy/Springfield Times

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ADDENDUM

I attended the Celebration of Life for John on May 1oth, along with hundreds of other people. Speakers included several public officials who celebrated John's service to our community, his faith, his love of family, friends, and his dogs, and his gentlemanly way of being in the world.

Among his many forms of service, John was a champion for the K-9 dogs employed by our police department. It touched me to see three of their dogs sitting next to a standing policeman throughout the celebration.
And what looked like our whole police force was sitting in two rows ahead of me along the the Chief who spoke about John's support of policing in Springfield.

While I could say much more about the service, I prefer to post a couple of the photos of John from the program. Thanks also to John Rodney Woodrow, III -- his son -- who posted a comment about our blog posting.