Most Read Blog Posts

Over the years since I began this blog, nearly 25,000 people have viewed the site.  Here are links to the most read posts (Note: some links within older posts may no longer be available): 1.  Writing A Personal Legacy Letter
2.  Topic Outlines for An Ethical Will
3.  Examples of Ethical Wills
4.  Pema Chodron's Commentary on The Four Reminders
5.  Embracing Elderhood: Interview with Dr. Bill Thoma...
6.  Life Lessons: The Power Of Empathy
7.  Life Legacy Poem: "Thanks, Robert Frost"
8.  Remembering A Rumi Poem
9.  Memoir Books and Memory Quilts by Linda Smith
10.Legacy of Education: A "Cherishing"  I never guessed that so many people would read this blog.  Thanks to everyone who checked out a post and for people who commented. ###

Tribute to a Friend: Edgar Peara

Last week, my friend Edgar Peara died at the age of 92.  He was the oldest man I ever had the pleasure of knowing and spending time with during the twelve years he lived in Oregon.

Ed was energetic (running daily and doing his age in real push-ups!), kind, generous, creative, intelligent, and spiritually "awake."  He was a volunteer extraordinaire -- working for over 40 local organizations (including the "dirty" work of digging and lifting) -- and giving financially to many more nonprofits every year. In addition, he had a counseling practice, wrote a religious column in the local newspaper,  delivered talks at area churches, and mentored people who wanted to learn to do metaphysical therapy.

I first met Ed over 30 years ago while I was living in the Chicago area.  At the time, I only knew him as a Unitarian-Universalist minister who I saw occasionally at meetings and at the annual U-U summer camp at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.  To my surprise, over 12 years ago, we met again at a church in Eugene.  He and his wife, Phyllis, had moved here to be live closer to one of their sons and grandchildren.

I asked Ed if he would be interested in joining a men's group that I had started in the early 1990's.  Thankfully he said "yes" and I got to see him for breakfast every Tuesday.   I got to know Ed and hear about his life and contributions to our community during those early morning conversations.  Unfortunately his hearing became more difficult over the years and he decided it was time to leave the group.  I saw him much less after that but we kept in touch by email and occasionally met at church or at monthly art walks (where he always had a new joke to share).

Of men I who have been my friend, Ed lived the most amazing life of service.  In the military in WWII, he served as a combat engineer in all five "theaters" of war, including Utah Beach on D-Day.  He likely may have been the only man to survive that much military duty during the war. His war experience led him to become a founder of Veterans for Peace in our community. (In 2011, Ed was awarded the French Legion of Honor for his military service in France).

Ed became a minister in the 1960's and served several Unitarian-Universalist churches during his career (he was active as well in the Unity Church during his time in Eugene). He also taught human development courses and had a therapy practice.  For six years, he was a single father to four little boys before meeting and marrying Phyllis (a single mom with fours kids of her own). Phyllis was a great partner -- as active as Ed during their 41 years of marriage before her death.  More about Ed's work and home life is contained in a talk he gave to ministers two years ago.

More than anyone I've ever met, Ed really knew that he was a "spiritual being in a physical body."  His spiritual practice was impeccable and lived out in his daily life of service.  Ed was always supportive of my work, expressed how much he valued our friendship, and voiced his love for me and my life partner.  In so many ways, he also helped heal old wounds from my father with his loving presence in my life.

Ed Peara's legacy will live for generations.   I loved the dear man and will miss him. 

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Things I Know for Sure (as of 2014)

From a section of my personal ethical will

1.  We are here to love and be loved. 
    I wish I would have been able to really know that in my heart much earlier in my life. Thankfully, "I got it" before my deathbed!  That is the single greatest gift of my health diagnosis.  It woke me up to the message of love.

2.  We are here to learn.
      To learn what it means to be alive and to experience the wonders of the natural world, the marvels of the mind, and the gifts of the heart.  During my lifetime, I've been an avid reader -- mostly non-fiction books about human development, spirituality, and writing -- as well as some fiction favorites by authors such as John Irving, Milan Kundera, Barbara Kingsolver, and Marilynne Robinson.  Poetry also came into my life in my mid-40's as a result of my new love relationship and my work with men (Pablo Neruda, Rilke, Robert Bly, William Stafford, and others).  I encourage everyone to read, read, read, everything that attracts you.  It will enrich your inner life and can make a big difference in your "outer" experience.

3.  We are here to create.
      To create whatever matters most to you.  Something that engages your heart and uplifts your spirit.  Something that inspires you and makes you feel alive in your whole being.  I experience "creation" most often when  I'm teaching something I have learned -- when I read, study, write, and design a workshop for a group of interested people -- and engage them face-to-face, inspiring them to trust the truth of their inner experience and make changes in their lives that reflect their true self.  You know that you're "there" when you are so full of energy that "clock time" disappears.  You experience "eternal time" --which may be as close to "eternal life" as any of us will ever experience.  

So, whatever you do, don't wait ... don't delay until next year ... or until retirement.  Do what you love.  Be the work you love to do.  As the poet Rumi says, "It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you!"

4.  We are here to serve.
      To make a contribution to life, to the people that we love (and to those we'll never know), to the Earth in gratitude for its gifts to us all.  Service needs to come from the heart, not from the head that says "you should ..."  You'll know whatever service is right for you by the joy you'll feel in the doing of it.  You may even be overwhelmed every so often by the tears of joy that arise from the gratitude in your heart.  By giving, you truly do receive far beyond whatever your mind may conceive.

You leave a legacy of your life in your love for your fellow human (and other) beings, your life learnings, your creative endeavors, and your service to people and the planet.
       

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25 Things I Wish I Would Have Learned Earlier in My Life

From a section of my personal ethical will

In no particular order other than what came across my mind as I thought about the subject:

1.   The wisdom of living a life of non-resistance, non-judgment, and non-attachment.

2.   That life gives you just the right experiences that you need to grow to the next level of consciousness (in other words, what you are experiencing in life right now!).

3.   What I resist, persists (and I suffer as a result until I let go -- surrender and change).

4.   "This too shall pass" (whatever is happening ... this emotion ... this life experience ... this moment).

5.   The paradoxical nature of life -- time, space, etc.

6.   The enormous power of the ego (which I grossly underestimated most of my life).

7.   To not take my non-stop thoughts ("monkey-mind") seriously.  Rather, notice how my ego operated to create anger, fear, guilt, distrust -- you name it! -- anything that is not love.

8.   The suffering caused by attachment to "my story" of "my life."  If I would have let go of defending "my story" in my love relationships, change would have been happened much easier and sooner.

9.   The power of projection in relationships.  All of our perceptions are projections!  In other words, to have recognized that his/her anger and blaming are their own issues, not mine ... and likewise, when I'm angry and blaming the other person, they are my own issues, not theirs).  Even "falling in love" projects everything that is "positive" in me onto my lover ... only to realize later that everything "negative" that I ignored in the "fog of love" stage of our relationship -- that eventually shows up in full force -- is my projection as well!

10. The power of mirroring in relationships (I see and love the positive in you that is in me; I hate the negative in you that is in me).

11. The dysfunction in any role identification (father, husband, boss) and role behavior -- the source of virtually all personal inauthenticity in my experience.

12. The power of the "shadow" in the unconscious mind and how it manifests in our behavior (E. Tolle's "pain body"). 

13. The power of intention, plus attention, in manifesting anything in life.

14. That the content ("happenings") and form ("doings") of my life is not who I am.

15. That the present moment is the only "time" there is (the ego loves to deliver thoughts of the past and the future!).

16. The first duty of love is listening; the second is empathizing.

17. That listening wholeheartedly to another person -- presence -- is a true gift.

18.  The wisdom of intimate separateness.  Life partnerships and marriages are as likely to end from lack of separateness as from lack of intimacy.

19.  We are defined by whom and what we love.

20. The joy of solitude; the joy of intimacy.

21.  Joy is a way of being; happiness is a form of joy.

22.  That compassion requires both boundaries and accountability.  The heart of compassion is acceptance for ourselves and others.  Practicing compassion starts with setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior.  Otherwise, you'll feel resentment for people who are taking advantage of you or hurting you with their behavior.

23. Conscious loving = conscious living = conscious dying.

24. Reading poetry aloud and writing poems is a delight.

25. The importance of blessing (one another, places, events) and being blessed.

An Excerpt from My Ethical Will

Remember

Know impermanence 

is always there at your back

Waiting for your time.

Celebrating A Poet: William Stafford

One of my favorite January rituals is attending the annual birthday celebration for William Stafford, Oregon's Poet Laureate (1914 - 1993). Each year people gather at our local Tsunami Bookstore to read Stafford's poems and poems of their own, plus share personal memories of the man.

I met and heard William Stafford only once while at a men's workshop with poet, Robert Bly in 1991 at Marylhurst College. It was quite the scene when the tall, brash (some say, arrogant) Robert Bly introduced us to the quiet, humble poet from Lake Oswego, Oregon.  Stafford read a few of his poems and answered questions from the crowd of men.  I remember feeling the warmth and love between the two poets who appeared to be so different from one another.

After hearing William Stafford, I starting buying and reading his many books of poetry as well as books about the man.  Eventually, I began writing my own poems and, most enthusiastically, haiku poems*.  When I started facilitating men's groups and workshops myself, I incorporated poetry into the time men shared together. 

At the "Healing the Hearts of Men" weekend workshops we did at Heceta House on the Oregon Coast, I taught men the haiku form (three lines with five, seven, five syllables), then all of us headed out alone for an afternoon to see what poems emerged from our time in the beautiful natural world.  Later, when we returned to our circle of men, each man shared one or more of the haiku poems they wrote during their time alone.  It was a sweet, heartwarming (and often uproarious) experience as the poems were shared -- one of the highlights of our time together for me and other men in the circle (many of whom had never written a poem or, more often than not, had learned to hate poetry in school).

This year at the birthday celebration I selected three short poems by William Stafford from his collection, "The Way It Is."  I read "Your Life," "Yes," and the book's title poem:

"There's a thread you follow.  It goes among

things that change.  But it doesn't change.

People wonder about what you are pursuing.

You have to explain about the thread.

But it is hard for others to see.

While you hold it you can't get lost.

Tragedies happen; people get hurt

or die; and you suffer and get old.

Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding,

You don't ever let go of the thread."

With each year that passes, the poem has greater meaning for me.  And I'm grateful that I still have the ability to read William Stafford's poems to people in our community who love his poems. 

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* NOTE:  My enthusiasm for haiku (and inspiration from William Stafford's habit of writing daily poems in the early morning) led me to challenge myself to write a poem every day for a year (2011).  I figured I could at least write three lines of poetry each day if Stafford could write so many daily poems for years.  And I followed his advice "to lower my standards" to accomplish the task!  If you're interested, they're posted at www.haikubytodd.blogspot.com.

("The Way It Is" is copyright by the Estate of William Stafford and appears in the book published by Graywolf Press.  The photo was taken by Guy Weese who shared it for my use in a poetry book).

"Don’t Wait to Say What Needs Saying"

I've been away from this blog for several months and, after reading a column by Bob Welch in our local newspaper last week, I decided it was time to share his words that reminded me of a key part of an ethical will.

I was especially moved by these words from Bob's column on "Passing over life's rumble strips:"

"Time passes. The world changes. The unexpected happens.

And for me, the lesson seems to be: Don’t let things go unsaid.

But too often, I do. I get so wrapped up about getting where I need to be that I overlook where I am and where I’ve been.

I too often miss the observation that my mother — at 85, still traipsing off to the coast for contemplative stays — makes about appreciating what we have.

“We can enjoy an event in three ways,” she said. “While looking forward to it, while we’re in it and while we look back on it.”

I too often miss the wisdom from author Ann Voskamp, in her book “One Thousand Gifts,” about living each day with thankfulness.

Thankfulness, she says, leaves no room for bitterness.

Ah, but you can’t wait for the muse, she warns. You have to be proactive. Have to think it, say it, claim it — before it’s too late."

Wisdom worth taking to heart every day whether or not we ever write and share an ethical will with our family and friends.

I've been reading Bob Welch's articles and columns since moving to Eugene in the late 80's.  His humanity and humor make him one of the best columnists I've read as a lifelong newspaper reader.

Thank you, Bob, for all stories you've written over the years about people in our community, your experiences as a father and grandfather, and the many places you've been in Oregon and the Northwest.  I'm grateful for all of the laughter, tears, and joy you've brought to my life.  Best wishes for many more years of writing columns and books that make a difference in the world!

A Remembrance: Hanna K. Still

"Deep within each of us we know where our life fulfillment lies.  We may not have spelled it out dictionary-pure.  But we know where we want to arrive.  I aimed to arrive at that place which many paths define as spiritual fulfillment, enlightenment, the path.  Fulfillment for me is to experience the spiritual truth of any moment.  There again, an inner Voice informs us and we experience the land of Knowing."     

-- Hanna K. Still  1925-2012



Last Sunday, I listened to people share stories about the many ways Hanna Still had influenced their lives and our community.  It was a heartfelt experience for me and hundreds of others in the church who were blessed to know this extraordinary woman.

When I was working for Wellsprings Friends School, I enjoyed some long conversations with Hanna at her home as well as brief talks during her many visits to the school and at Board meetings I attended.  The times I went to her home to talk privately were especially meaningful to me.  When I was with her, I felt touched by her soulful presence and her beautiful spirit.  She always listened intensely to what I had to say and spoke her views with deep conviction.  

I'm grateful for the time I was able to be with Hanna and for all the wisdom she shared with me.  May I carry my memories of her and her rich life legacy with me for the rest of my days.

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An Obituary With A Wish for Us All

I read an obituary in The Sunday Oregonian yesterday that delightfully captured the essence of the man:

"Ever the warrior philosopher.  With a laugh so infectious it reverberated and engaged.  A walking contradiction, who would proudly declare, 'It has never been my aim to be conventional,' and that is what guided his life."

His obit concludes:

"In lieu of flowers, to honor Axel do something unconventional or love someone deeply, or fix something with the proper tool or take utter delight is something small, or throw your head back and laugh with glee and gusto.  We will forever miss you, our dear one.  The rainbow will be brighter with your spirit.  Auf wiedersehen."

How would you like people you leave behind to honor you after your death?

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My Mother's Birthday (A Year After Her Passing)

My mother would have been 87 years old today.  She passed away on May 1, 2011.  I've thought of her many times during this past year, more often in recent weeks as I've been dealing with changes in my health.  Mom had some difficult months physically as she neared the end of her life.  Her strong faith and readiness to leave this world made her passing easier for the loved ones she left behind.  I'm overflowing with fond memories of her this day.

In my mother's honor, my favorite cafe offered to make a coffee cake which reminded me of the one mom used to make.  So, with others who bought a slice at the cafe today, I'll be enjoying the cake with my afternoon coffee.  Happy Birthday, Mom!

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My Mother's Life and Legacy

My mother, Bernice Mae (Klefsaas) Peterson, died four months ago.  Since that day -- May 1 -- I've had many thoughts about her but haven't felt ready to write about her legacy and my memories of her.  She died one week from what would have been her 86th birthday (which just happened to coincide with Mother's Day this year).

We had many talks on the phone the months and weeks before her passing.  Usually our conversations happened on Sunday afternoons.  Of course, as Minnesotans (me, a transplant to Oregon over 20 years ago), we always had to talk about the weather.  After that, we shared our "what's happening" stories from week to week, always ending our calls with "I love you's."

Not surprising, I guess, I first noticed that I was missing Mom the most on Sundays.  No more afternoon calls.  No more "weather reports."   No more "updates" on the relatives, children, and grandchildren.  No more "check-ins" about each others physical maladies.  No more "I love you's" for (and from) my Mother.

First among memories to emerge was of the last time I visited her in my hometown where my Mom had lived over 60 years.  My life partner, Anita, and I had conversations with her unlike most any of our talks in the past.  Mom wanted to show us old pictures from her early years and her high school yearbook, plus have us read her diary from her high school years.  Her diary entries were mostly one sentence about what she did "that day" or "things that happened" to her and family members.  I loved learning how often she enjoyed going to the movies (she lived on a farm a few miles from town) as well as her excitement over her (few) new dresses.

Mom was smart -- valedictorian of her high school class in 1943.  As I recall, she had wanted to be a doctor (I'm sure she would have made a great one).  But that would not be her career destiny.  She married my Dad while still a teenager and followed him West where the Army had sent him for training.  Off she went to Colorado Springs, Portland, and Phoenix where she was while Dad headed to France for the "big war."

Mom was especially proud of her "Rosy the Riveter" work in the shipyards of Portland.  Once when she visited us in Oregon, we took her the Rose City neighborhood were she had lived.  She still remembered the address so we drove to the little house (which she said still looked the same) where she had rented a room .  Although she protested my suggestion that we knock on the door (with her usual "I don't want to bother anyone" comment) to see if we could see her old room, she came along and the residents cheerfully welcomed us in.  Mom excitedly went up the stairs to see her room and then looked around the kitchen and explored the rest of her former home.  It definitely was the "high point" of her return trip to Portland!

Looking back at Mom's life, I realized that less than two years after she graduated from high school, she gave birth to a boy in Minnesota (I was the lucky one!).  Within the next seven years, she had three more babies.  Life got hard for her real fast!   And she didn't have a very supportive husband at home.  Much of the time my sister and brothers and I were growing up, our Dad was a traveling salesman -- gone most every week and home on weekends.  Mom worked waitress jobs at night until she got a telephone operator position with Northwestern Bell in 1956.  She worked split-shifts, walking 10 blocks to the office and back twice a day -- for most all of the 25 years she worked there before retiring in 1981.

About a year after I graduated from high school and had been away at college, Mom divorced my father.  She should have done it many years before in my view.  From what I remember of their relationship, there was little affection and lots of conflict over money and parenting.  And Mom never got the respect she deserved.  Unfortunately, not long after the divorce she met another man who gave her even less respect.  Thankfully, she ended that relationship and, as far as I know, that was "it" for her with men and marriage.

Mom lived by herself in the same little house we called home for over 20 years after her retirement.  After a fall down the basement stairs and brief time in a nursing home for rehab, she decided it was time to move (a big surprise to us all!).  She moved directly to an independent senior living apartment (a place I had worked exactly one day of my life hauling bricks during construction when I was a teenager).  With more people around to socialize with, she thrived for most of her years there.  Then in her 85th year, physical ailments eventually resulted in a move to a nursing home (which she could see from her apartment window).

Mom was happy at the nursing home (even with most of the food!). She felt safe, especially from falling in the night, and enjoyed day-to-day conversations with the staff people who cared for her.  After a fall backward during one of her many hallway walks with her walker (which didn't break any bones but left her in pain), within a few weeks she declined physically until the day of her death.

During the whole time Mom was living alone until her last breath, my "little" brother who lived in the same town provided care for her.  What a blessing he was to Mom for those many years!  What a blessing he was to her adult children!  It's difficult to convey the depth of gratitude I feel for all that my brother did for Mom.  He demonstrated his love and respect for her in his devotion to making her life as comfortable as he could for many years.

Mother's Legacy

What Mom valued most in her life were her family and her faith.  She devoted herself to supporting four children during their growing up years, working many hours every week at her telephone operator job, then coming home to housework and cooking to feed her kids.  And she did it without a "man around the house" to share in supporting the family.  Thankfully, when she retired, she had a small pension, social security, and health insurance that would support her during her retirement years.  She also had eleven grandchildren and eleven great-grandchildren to correspond with (and enjoy their visits), plus neighborhood friends to visit and talk with on the phone.

Mom made sure her children went to church and got religious training as youngsters through confirmation age (at the largest Lutheran church in town).  She attended church and made sure she was always there when I was singing in the choir during my high school years.  While I don't know at what age she devoted her life to Jesus Christ as her Savior, my sense is that for more than half of her life her faith was her guiding light.  She was definitely at peace with her passing and ready to return to Jesus long before she died.

Mom was a lifelong walker -- both to her job and in her retirement years.  She moved along at a determined pace (what I call our "Minnesota cold morning" speed).  Even when she had to use a walker during the last months of her life, she walked the halls of the nursing home most every day.  Among the things I know she enjoyed were doing crossword puzzles, watching the Chicago Cubs and Minnesota Twins on TV (and local sports teams), listening to A Prairie Home Companion (and Garrison's tales from Lake Wobegon), reading the Harmony Porch Tale books by Phillip Gulley, making lefse (we ate them as fast as she could make them!), and baking other goodies for her children and grandchildren (peanut butter cookies, sticky buns, coffee cake, bread sticks, and more).

Among her most notable traits, Mom was unselfish to her core and seemed uncomfortable with receiving attention and gifts.  Hearing her say, "Oh, don't bother" and "I don't want to be a bother" will echo in my ears for the rest of my life.  She even had made all the arrangements for her own funeral so she "wouldn't be a bother" to her children!


At her funeral on a beautiful sunny day in May (two days before her birthday), I spoke for the family and myself during the service.  I shared some memories and thoughts about her life.  It was a tearful experience and I can't recall much of what I spontaneously said.  Thankfully, my partner Anita, who wasn't able to travel at the time, had given me some words of her own about my Mom to read in remembrance.  Here's are some excerpts of her sharing:

    "Over the years, I experienced Bernice as kind, considerate, non-judgmental and thoughtful.  She always remembered birthdays, including my childrens', taking time to write a personal  note ... remembering and inquiring about their special interests, even my son whom she  never met.  She had a strong sense of fairness and all grandchildren got their birthdays remembered.

     Bernice was curious and smart---truly interested in current events, sports and especially what was going on in the lives of her loved ones.  A beautiful woman of intelligence, courage and genuine caring ... I feel blessed to have known her.

    She will always hold a special place in my heart."

                                                        "
As she will in mine.  Thank you for your love and support throughout my life, Mom.  Thank you, Bernice Mae (Klefsaas) Peterson for the life you lived.

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Life Legacies: A Life of Immersion with Jacqueline Novogratz

I came across another video from the 2010 TEDWomen conference that spoke to me about life legacies.  Jacqueline Novogratz shares powerful, inspiring stories that demonstrate "living a life of immersion."  Enjoy!

Some Wisdom from Steve Jobs

While I've certainly enjoyed using the products that Steve Jobs and Apple have created over the years, I've never been a fan of the man's management style (which has been described by others as "psychological manipulation" at best and "brutal -- this is shit -- putdowns" at worst).

Reading an article in Newsweek on "How Apple Revolutionized Our World" by Paul Theroux,
I was please to learn what the author called "the essential things to know about Jobs life (that) emerged in a speech he gave in spring 2005 at Stanford University."  In his commencement address, Jobs noted:

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."


For the full text of Jobs commencement address, here's a link.


NOTE:  Steve Jobs died on October 5, 2011 at the age of 56.

Life Lessons: Joan Halifax on Compassion

When working as a hospice volunteer, I did lots of reading about death and dying.  One of the writers I admired for her work is Joan Halifax, a Buddhist priest.  Her latest book is "Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death."

Today I came across this TED video of Ms. Halifax that I wanted to share (and keep for myself so I can return to it for viewing in moments when I feel I've lost touch with compassion!).

Life's Decisions: Dorcas Smucker

One of my favorite local writers is a "nearing age 50" woman named Dorcas Smucker.  Her "Letters from Harrisburg" have been published in the Sunday edition of The Register-Guard for many years (and have been turned into books by the author).  I highly recommend them all.

Today, Dorcas wrote about "life decisions," asking herself about her life choices (which she notes that she has seldom done).  Among the gems of wisdom in her story I think is worth remembering every day of our lives is:

"What I realize now is that maybe what we see as the big life decisions of career and education and location are actually the small ones. The big decisions are the ones that transcend every place and relationship and job — integrity and kindness, mercy and generosity, love and joy and justice."

You can read the full story on the newspaper site or on Dorcas Smucker's blog, "Life in the Shoe."

Enjoy!

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A Poet's "Sayings"

Some "sayings" of Robert Frost about poetry and his life learnings (from the Writer's Almanac):

He said: "A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a homesickness or a love-sickness. It is a reaching out toward expression, an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found the word."

And, "A poem begins in delight and ends in wisdom."

And, "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."

And, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

I wonder if I can sum up my life in three words?  What would your three words be?

Even More "Pickles" Wisdom

I love how a cartoonist can so clearly state great lessons for living one's life (capturing the wisdom of elders and youngsters in just four frames).

Wonder if I could create a cartoon version of my life legacy? In four frames? Suppose that would be a more colorful version of writing your life story in six words ... or 17 syllables in a haiku. Anybody willing to take on the challenge?

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More "Pickles" Wisdom

I've been away from my blog for several months while working on projects for a journal that focuses on successful adolescent development.  Reading the comics in the newspaper today, I was reminded of my work with life legacies:

Are you asking any (or many) "dang questions" at this time of your life? What questions are you asking?

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The Third Chapter of Life

One of the joys of working with people who are writing about their personal legacies is hearing their life stories and learning about changes they've made in their lives. Many of the stories I've heard have involved the changes the women and men have made in what sociologist Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot calls "The Third Chapter" of life.

In her book, The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk, and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50, Lawrence-Lightfoot explores the "ways in which men and women between the ages of fifty and seventy-five find ways of changing, adapting, exploring, mastering, and channeling their energies, skills, and passions into new domains of learning." She "challenges the still-prevailing and anachronistic images of aging by documenting and revealing the ways in which the years between fifty and seventy-five may, in fact, be the most transformative and generative time in our lives; it traces the ways in which wisdom, experience, and new learning inspire individual growth and cultural transformation."

The author interviewed forty women and men across the U.S. and found common themes, among them the urge for "leaving a legacy", for "giving back" and "giving forward", and for "making an imprint." In the life legacy workshops I've conducted, these themes have emerged as well -- from women in their 70's who are creating art after a life of work as teachers and homemakers, from a retired man in his 60's writing a screenplay about being the only white member of a black baseball team in his youth, and from others who are devoting their lives to work for volunteer organizations after years in the corporate world.

For many, The Third Chapter requires a "paradigm shift" in their lives, often "to align our professed values with our actions, our rhetoric with our behaviors." Lawrence-Lightfoot notes that such a shift can be "confusing, risky, and passionate -- are likely to be more difficult and demanding than the learning we have experienced at earlier stages of our lives, making the journey forward feel more hazardous. The stories we compose are our only map."

If you've already passed the age of 50, I think you'll find the stories of people interviewed for the book both interesting and inspirational, especially if you're seeking a more creative, purposeful life. And Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot's conclusions about successful aging and lifelong learning, the innovations required in our schools, and the need for intergenerational dialogues to challenge society and cultural presumptions, offer a compelling vision to bring change to our institutions and our lives.

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NOTE: To watch an interview with Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot about The Third Chapter, see Bill Moyer's Journal. Also, my recent blog posting on the Legacy of Education: A "Cherishing" School Culture reflects on one of the author's conclusions to her book.

Legacy of Education: A "Cherishing" School Culture

For the past two years, I've worked half-time for Wellsprings Friends School, an alternative high school in Eugene. My contract ended in June so tomorrow I'll be missing the first "morning circle" that marks the beginning of the new school year.

In light of my experience at the school, I've been thinking about the legacy of education in our lives. And, in my reading of Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot's The Third Chapter this summer, I found the best way to describe the Wellsprings approach to educating young people: a "cherishing" school culture.

In the conclusion to Lawrence-Lightfoot's book, she quotes Mary Catherine Bateson on the need for cherishing to be fully open to learning throughout one's life:

"One of the things we know about the human capacity to keep on learning, to remain young at heart and willing to learn, is that it needs to be supported by cherishing. We needed to be cherished as infants, and as adults we need to cherish our children. But if we want a society of people willing and open and ready to learn, it has to be a kinder, gentler society, because we need a lot of mutual support to face change, to give up things we've always believed in."

The author believes that "our contemporary preoccupation with testing" in schools leads to "a narrowing and standardization of learning that neglects the building of the 'edifice' of life. And I believe that the parts of the school curriculum -- the arts and humanities, sports, and community service in particular -- that are the first to be eliminated when schools are facing budget cuts, may be the very arenas that support approaches to learning that will emerge as important to sustaining development across the life span."

Lawrence-Lightfoot calls for a "shift to a more embracing, generous, complex curriculum, and a more 'cherishing' school culture (that) will require changes in societal expectations, cultural priorities, and educational policies. In turn, it will require that teachers in our schools see themselves as lifelong learners, modeling for their students a curiosity about life and a fearless pursuit of knowledge; this, in turn, will nourish the imagination, questioning, storytelling, intellectual discipline, and adventurousness of the students in their classrooms."

In my view, Wellsprings Friends School models just such a "cherishing school culture." Its teachers show their love for their students and demonstrate their love of learning each day.

My hope is that the radical changes needed in our education system (and coming eventually) will leave a legacy of cherishing for future generations of lifelong learners.

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